


A Sexy Lamp

by MadhouseVagabond



Series: AH Oneshots [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Bank Robbery, Blood, FAHC, Fake AH Crew, Gang, Gen, Heists, I'm sorry!, Los Santos, M/M, Pain, Sexy lamp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 15:31:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9331628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadhouseVagabond/pseuds/MadhouseVagabond
Summary: A oneshot promt challenge I was given in my discord chat by Eggsy_Toastington, using the prompts Ryan and Michael, a Sexy Lamp, and "Let me grab the salad dressing". I'm sorry!





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EggingtonToast](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EggingtonToast/gifts).



Ryan whipped around the corner, reloading his pistol and gritting his teeth under his skull mask at the pain from the wounds on his shoulder, a harsh reminder that he indeed was not bulletproof. After slamming the magazine back into his weapon he dashed across the street firing his weapon at the cops in the street outside the bank, pinning his friends inside.

"Geoff get the fuck out of there now! Ryan and I have you covered!" Ryan heard Ray's voice over the com in his ear and saw a cop fall to the ground, his head exploding as Ray expertly fired his sniper rifle from atop a nearby building.

"Hold on Gavin and I almost have all the money! Michael, do you have you and Ryan's bikes ready for evac?" Geoff's voice said as Ryan took cover behind a large metal dumpster.

"Everything is ready here Geoff! And don't worry, I've left a little surprise for these fuckers if they try to follow us!" Michael's voice sounded in Ryan's ear. Ryan smiled at the sound of his lovers voice and knew exactly what he'd done.

"Trip mines?" he asked with a growing smile.

"Trip mines!" Michael returned, the smile evident in his voice. Ryan laughed and shot another cop through the throat, enjoying the gargling cry the man released as he fell to the ground, choking on his own blood as he died.

"Damn killing is fun!" he said with satisfaction.

"Ryan what happened to that bloody murder break?!" Gavin's amused British voice came over the com. Ryan shrugged as he shot another cop.

"Got bored. Murder is WAY more exciting!" he said.

"You're so fucking creepy!" Geoff said with a chuckle.

"That's why I love you Ry," Michael said.

"Thanks babe! Love you too," Ryan said.

"I swear if the two of you start dirty talking or making out over the com I'll personally kick both your asses!" Ray said, but Ryan heard the amusement in the lad's voice.

"What do you guys think you'll spend your cut on?" Jack's voice asked, the gent finally hopping into the conversation trying to change the subject.

"Fucking whiskey and some rum!" Geoff immediately responded.

"A new camera to film shots from our weapons in slo motion," Gavin said.

"I'm gonna get that new COD game so I can kick all your asses again!" Ray said teasingly as he fired again, another cop falling to the ground, dead before he hit the pavement. Ryan sure was glad Ray was on their side.

"I'll probably save most of mine," Ryan said. "But there is this amazing new rocket launcher I've had my eye on for awhile that I may get."

"Go fucking figure!" Geoff said and the boys all laughed.

"I know exactly what I'm getting!" Michael said, a hit of mischief in his voice.

"Oh?" Ryan asked coyly and chucked a grenade at the nearest police car, sighing happily at the massive explosion of the vehicle.

"You remember that really sexy lamp we saw the other day Ryan?" Michael asked, his voice cheeky. Ryan blushed under his mask and chuckled.

"The one shaped like a dick?" he asked smiling. Two days ago the couple had been shopping for a new bed, the fate of the last one being the two had been a little too eager to fuck that night, when they'd seen the lamp. The label simply read "Sexy Lamp" and it wasn't far from the truth. The fixture itself was indeed shaped like a dick, the base being two large testicles. What made the two laugh the most was the way the lightbulbs were fixed into the lamp. Out of the tip of the lamp several white tubes curved and branched out from one another, the bulbs fixed at the ends. Michael almost fell to the ground laughing at the "cum lamp" as Ryan had called it and had immediately sent pictures to the rest of the crew, one in particular now being his lock screen on his phone of Ryan opening his mouth and sticking out his tongue looking like he was about to lick the lamp starting at one of the bulbed ends.

"That's the one! That's so going on our nightstand tonight!" Michael said. Gavin and Ray laughed while the other two gents groaned.

"Michael what the fuck?" Ray exclaimed trying not to laugh.

"Michael that's disturbing as fuck!" Geoff said.

"Not as disturbing as what I'm going to do to you when we get back to our bed tonight!" Ryan teased darkly.

"DAMMIT RYAN!" Ray shouted. Ryan laughed and ran back to the corner building he'd been at previously, unloading another clip on the cops and tossing another grenade. More cops were showing up and the crew needed to get out now before the choppers showed up.

"Okay we're done! Ray, Ryan cover us we're coming out!" Geoff shouted.

"Gay," Ray said and the group laughed as Ryan and Ray mowed down the first line of cops in front of the bank, allowing Geoff and Gavin plenty of time to dash out the front doors and into the alley where Jack had parked the getaway car and had been waiting. Ryan kept firing until he heard Geoff's excited "Go go go!" and heard the engine of Jack's car roar to life. Dashing across the street again Ryan made his way to the alley where Michael had the two motorcycles waiting. As he approached Michael tossed him his helmet and the two briefly embraced, sharing a kiss that lasted longer than it should have given their circumstances before they both slipped their helmets on and fired their bikes to life, zipping out into the street. Ryan glanced back and saw several flashing red and blue lights coming down the alley they'd just been in and nodded to Michael. The lad grinned and pushed the button on the detonator he'd been holding.

The explosion was massive, taking out not only the police cars but several chunks of the two buildings, Ryan surprised that the two structures didn't collapse. The two made their way down the roads of Los Santos, weaving expertly through traffic to ditch the cops. When they finally did manage to lose their tail they made their way back to the penthouse to meet up with the rest. Cheers and pats on the back were offered as the crew celebrated a successful heist before they split up the money into their equal shares. Michael pulled Ryan into their shared bedroom, Ryan ripping his skull mask off and tossing it aside, and pinned the older man against the closed door, holding Ryan's hands above he head as he placed his forehead on that of his lovers, Ryan wincing slightly at the pain from his wounds in his shoulder but enjoying the pain. The two smiled at each other before Michael planted a kiss on Ryan's mouth, the man sighing happily through his nose and moaning slightly as Michael's tongue made its way into his mouth, at the same time the lad gently massaging Ryan's hardening member though his jeans with his knee.

Michael crossed Ryan's wrists above his head and slowly ran his free hand down Ryan's muscular chest until he reached the man's waist. He tugged Ryan's shirt up and ran his hand up under it, feeling the warmth of Ryan's bare chest on his hand and he caressed it lovingly, then reached up the the man's nipples. Ryan arched his back as Michael pinched his right nipple and moaned into the lad's kiss again. Michael separated from Ryan and released his wrists and the two began to strip. The sound of a hesitant knock interrupted them and the two groaned.

"This had better be life or death because if it isn't I'm skinning you alive!" Ryan hissed when he ripped the door open to reveal Jack standing there, obviously uncomfortable.

"Geoff wants you to go to the store and pick up a few things," he said weakly and shuffled his feet, studying the floor intently. Ryan stared at him.

"And why can't our fearless leader do his own fucking grocery shopping?" he demanded coldly. Jack glanced back towards the living room to the sounds of Geoff and the others drinking and laughing.

"He's drunk already?" Michael asked, more impressed than shocked. Jack nodded. Ryan groaned and rolled his eyes. Sometimes it sucked being the only one who stayed sober enough to run errands. They could've sent Ray, but the lad at this point was probably high already. It wasn't like the crew couldn't drive while intoxicated, it was more like Ryan didn't want them too. Tugging on his leather jacket he rushed to the bathroom to wash off his red, black and white skull face paint before exiting the apartment and heading to the store. He was furious obviously but he also knew he was the one who refused to let any of the other drive while intoxicated.

After arriving at the corner drugstore a couple minutes away, Ryan stormed in and began plopping the items on Geoff's list into the hand basket he carried. He sighed as he saw one item in particular, knowing Geoff had put it on the list to tease him and Michael, knowing that the two had used it all up already in one of their more...interesting nights. His phone buzzed and he looked at it, smiling when he saw it was a text from Michael.

 

**Got a place all set up for our sexy lamp! Hurry your ass up and come home so I can fuck you!**

 

Ryan chuckled and sent a quick reply back.

 

**Hold on, let me grab the salad dressing and then I'll be on my way!**

 

**Did Geoff seriously put that on the list?** Michael responded a second later.

 

**Yup** Ryan replied as he neared the isle.

 

**Dick! Haha, love you! See you soon!** Michael sent back. Ryan smiled as he typed out a response.

 

**I love you too my Mogar!**

 

Just as Ryan hit send he heard the door to the store open and a voice demand that the cashier hand over the money in the register. He rolled his eyes.

 

_You've GOT to be fucking shitting me!_ he thought. He made his way to the front to see a lone gunman standing there pointing a revolver at the terrified cashier who was struggling with the cash register trying to open it. Ryan sighed and walked up, about to confront the gunman. The frightened cashier's eyes widened as he caught sight of Ryan and the gunman whirled around when he noticed the man staring at something behind him. Ryan felt the bullet before the shot even registered in his mind, the pain in his chest reminding him that he'd shed his armor when he and Michael had been about to fuck. He looked down and saw red spreading down his grey shirt and all of a sudden found it hard to breath as his knees gave out beneath him and he sunk to the floor.

The gunman whirled and grabbed the cash from the shocked cashier and darted out into the night, the cashier quickly calling 9-11 and requesting an ambulance. Somehow Ryan registered all this and slowly, painfully whipped out his phone and with bloody fingers typed out one final message.

 

**Something went wrong. I'm sorry my love, I don't think I'm coming home. I love you my precious Mogar, more than anything in this world!**

 

Tears filled Ryan's eyes as he hit send, his limbs growing cold and useless, his eyelids becoming heavy. He tried to fight the darkness, but this was one fight, the Vagabond was going to lose. Slowly his eyes drifted shut and he stopped fighting, one thought on his mind as the darkness claimed him.

 

_I'm sorry Michael._

 

 

The funeral was a week later, the five members of the Fake AH Crew gathered together at the top of a grassy hill, one of Ryan's favorite spots. Not one of the men had dry eyes as they laid their fallen friend in the hole they'd dug, gently resting him in the earth. Silently and slowly Jack and Ray covered the hole, both sobbing. Michael couldn't stand the sight of seeing his lover slowly disappearing and fell to his knees with a strangled sob. He hit the ground with his fist, pounding the earth over and over again ignoring the pain. It was nothing compared to the pain in his heart. Geoff sat beside him and wrapped him in a hug. Michael screamed in pain and anguish and let the tears fall freely, unashamed and uncaring if the others saw him cry. When they'd said their goodbyes the group slowly trudged down the hill, leaving a mound of dirt with a small wooden cross at the head, a skull mask hanging sadly from it, never to be worn again.

When they got back to the penthouse Michael locked himself in his room, wanting to be alone. He lay on the bed sobbing into Ryan's pillow, trying to catch any small remainder of his lovers scent. He'd retrieved the leather jacket from Ryan's corpse and now held it close to him like a precious treasure. Pulling out his phone he looked through the few pictures he and Ryan had taken together, sobbing at some and laughing at others before he woefully switched over to his message app and re-read Ryan's last text to him.

 

_I'm sorry Ryan! I love you and will love you always!_ he thought as he closed his eyes and cried himself to sleep, clutching the leather jacket to his chest and dreaming of a time when he and Ryan would walk hand in hand and smile at each other. 


End file.
